Pettifoggers
I lamented during the pandemic that my high-functioning anxiety was an asset. Here most people were, sort of locked up and too-scared-to-do-anything and not sure what to try next because they were worried that the second they walked out the door they might touch something or get sneezed-on and then come home and accidentally infect their whole family with something that would make them die a tragic-too-early death right before their very eyes. and here I am doing my tasks early and taking on extra complicated ones and responding with “How are you not locked up with fear and indecision” with “Oh, this level of wanting to panic is what I feel when everyone else is having a normal boring Tuesday”.
And here I am again: The American presidents have swapped out and the new one has some very big ideas of dubious quality and everyone around me both at home and my work are having some very bad reactions to it and my level of anxiety is a 3 instead of a 1-2 while most everyone else is 6-7 with occasional peaks to 9 (with 10 being ‘laying on the floor crying because they couldn’t make it to the car/bathroom’). I’m wandering around at work checking in with work-friends seeing if I can pull it down to a 3-4. I’m able to do this at work because I came in on in-person days that were starting before even the new administration dropped their promised punitive 5-days-very-few-exceptions-we-want-you-to-quit strategy.
The new president is already going around precedent and laws. Presumably cronies from an extremist org he tried to distance-himself-from during the election are hauling private email servers into the OPM (read: Federal HR) to get a direct-line to all feds and communicate directly outside the watch of all those pesky whistleblowers.
And that is where the title of this post comes in:
pettifogger /pĕt′ē-fŏg″ər, -fô″gər/
noun
- A lawyer whose practice involves petty matters or who lacks sound legal judgment or skills.
- One who quibbles over trivia.
- A lawyer who deals in petty cases; an attorney whose methods are mean and tricky; an inferior lawyer.
The American Heritage® Dictionary of the English Language, 5th Edition
The new president is trying to blitzkrieg his agenda through the American Federal System. He likes to portray federal institutions as if they were the Maginot Line: Big and Expensive and Entrenched and Too Easy to Maneuver Around by savvy criminals, and now him. He feels if he’s just speedy and aggressive and obstinate enough, he’ll get away with a bunch of shit and he’s emboldened because he has before. He’s king pettifogger.
But the problem with King Pettifogger is he hasn’t really gotten away with it. Everyone is still calling him a felon in broad daylight. He no longer has the benefit of the doubt of being a good leader. His powerful pettifogger allies are losing all their money and clout. And the pettifogger allies he has this go around are ideologues that are way worse at pettifogging and three times as embarrassing and messy precisely because they are such strong believers: Ignorant of the need to cover their tracks and how quickly King Pettifogger will screw them to save himself. King Pettifogger is a resurrected video game boss and his opponents are getting stronger and gaining new weapons from the minibosses that get felled while he hides in the corner box of an American Federal Metroidvania cackling “nyeh heh heh”.
It’s just now February, a third week into his chaotic administration and only one month away from a new budget showdown and his goons are having to send emails to federal employees going “Yes, you will still get paid if take this buyout and walk away from your federal job even if there is a government shut down”. I feel very sorry for whatever official that unsigned notice gets pinned-on because the Federal Anti-Deficiency Act has very dull teeth precisely because they are more painful than normal federal punishments. I also feel sorry for all his congressional allies that are going to have to stand in front of their constituents and answer uncomfy questions about why their extra (remember, we pay the extra taxes for tariffs, not the countries trying to sell stuff here) tax dollars are going to pay people to sit on their ass while their agencies are lights-off on a Wednesday and planes are falling out of the sky.
I also don’t think many federal employees are going to take the payoff (I’m not calling it a buyout because it isn’t one) unless they were already planning to retire… and even the retirees might just stick to the usual VERA/VSIP channels because the status changes and taxation implementations are better. A lot of federal government skills aren’t transferable and the ones that are will be flooded by consultants losing contracts if King Pettifogger gets his way. which brings me back to my original point, my anxiety as extremely useful and putting me in good places during trying times.
My anxiety has me here with a paid off house and a huge nestegg, and if I get laid off my spite-rage will be laser focused on pointing out every single way King Pettifogger sucks and fucked over people who thought he was doing good things for them and I’ll have way more time to do it while the “you weren’t actually allowed to fire us like that” class action lawsuit goes through.